In Between
by Clara Barton
Summary: A Valentine's Day 1x2x1 fic. For Ro -thank you so much for everything!


A/N: For Ro, who is so, so, so amazing and talented as a writer. And as a beta. And as a friend. Thank you for everything, especially for sticking with me through all these years and all these dry spells.

Warnings: angst, language, smut

Pairings: 1x2x1

 _In Between_

It had been one of those days.

Hell, it had been one of those _months_.

All Duo wanted to do, after sitting through three fucking meetings about the 'appropriate' response to 'workplace conflicts' or, as they should have been called - how to shut the fuck up and ignore the fact that half of the Preventers field agents were incompetent and the other half were former Alliance or OZ officers who _still_ thought the colonies - and colonists - should learn their fucking place under the boot heels of Terrans.

Duo had sat there, sullen and lock-jawed, and listened to not one, but _three_ former Alliance cronies tell him that in the post-war world everyone needed to set aside the prejudices of the past and move forward together.

Funny, how the Alliance assholes who had decided the best way to break in the new recruits who, also funny, happened to be colonists, was to jump them in the locker room and then toss them into the pool in full dress uniform. Funny, how those assholes hadn't been disciplined, but _Duo_ , who found the trio of recruits trudging through the halls, dripping pool water everywhere, and who had tracked down the Alliance assholes and told them, in very small, very explicit words just what he thought of their tactics, was the only one who had to sit through the rounds of meetings.

Yeah. Clearly everyone was learning how to put the past behind them.

By the time Duo finished with the last of the meetings, he was ready to walk out of Preventers HQ and never come back.

After another two hours of sitting at his desk, filing reports and following up on intel ops, he was ready to just go home, crawl into bed, and never, ever crawl back out.

It just seemed like the world was on a terrifyingly familiar trajectory, as if everything Duo had done, everything he had seen, had meant nothing. As if humanity were destined to try to extinguish itself no matter who tried to save it.

The endless paperwork, the bureaucratic bullshit - all of it did nothing to hide the harsh reality: Duo was basically slamming himself headfirst into a brick wall every day, insanely hoping for a different outcome.

And instead, he just ended each day with a blinding headache.

When he finally left HQ for the day, his tie loosened to the point of being comical, his hair coming out of his braid from the sheer number of times he had buried his head in his hands, and his jacket slung carelessly over his shoulder, Duo knew he looked a bit of a mess.

Knowledge that was confirmed when he got onto the bus and had people actually shy away from him as he walked down the center aisle until he found a seat in the back.

Once seated, he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cool glass window and sighed.

Twenty minutes of jostling and he would be home, could get out of this uniform and open a bottle of something strong and curl up on his couch and just forget that the world even existed.

He wondered if the others felt this way. Wondered if Trowa, always out on months-long undercover missions, felt like he was making a difference, was making the world better or safer or something. Wondered if Wufei, buried in Intel, felt satisfied. Wondered if Quatre, running his empire out in space, felt like he was fulfilling his family's legacy. Wondered if Heero, wherever the hell he was, felt like all of his sacrifices were still worth it.

It had been months since Duo had seen Heero, had driven him to the spaceport and tried his damnedest not to look lost and as devastated as he felt when Heero shouldered his bag, put on his sunglasses, and offered Duo a smirk before walking away.

Heero was about as bad as Duo was when it came to staying in touch - and Duo was pretty sure that if he messaged Heero right now, asked him if he thought the Earthsphere was going to shit and everything they had done had been in vain… well. Duo honestly didn't know _how_ Heero would respond to that. Or if he even would.

That would suck, to pour out his existential grief and have Heero ignore him.

So Duo decided that was a big fat _no_.

Best to keep those thoughts to himself.

By the end of the bus ride, Duo's usual end-of-day headache had been magnified out of all proportion.

He didn't even want to drink at this point, didn't even want to climb the six flights of stairs up to his apartment. He just wanted to sit down, close his eyes, and be done with everything.

But, somehow, he made it through the bus ride, walked the mile and a half to his apartment, and climbed the six flights of stairs.

He managed all of that, and by the time he dug his keys out from his back pocket, he could practically _taste_ unconsciousness.

And then he opened the door.

Duo tensed immediately, reaching for the service revolver at his hip and swearing when his hand came up empty. Every day, at the end of shift, each Preventers agent authorized to carry a weapon had to turn it in. One of Une's whole 'reminders' that, deep down, they were _all_ civilians. Or some bullshit like that.

The apartment smelled different - it even _felt_ different.

Duo lingered in the open doorway of his apartment, still trying to decide if he should just turn tail and run, as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

It smelled like something was cooking - he had no idea what. Something with lemon and garlic, but that was all that he could discern.

Duo practically lived on Indian takeout and ration bars. Even though his apartment had a full kitchen, Duo had only ever made use of the refrigerator, microwave and sink. He wouldn't even know _how_ to turn on the over - or one of the fancy gas burners on the stove top.

There were only two people who had a key to Duo's apartment - ironically, they were both people who could simply break in if they wanted - and Duo had a very hard time picturing either one of them currently in his kitchen, cooking.

Trowa, Duo knew, was still in the L5 sector anyway, embedded with a rebel organization.

And Heero…

Duo felt his heartbeat stutter at the thought, at the dream of Heero being back.

He had the sudden realization that he could just be hallucinating this - that his headache could be _so_ bad that he was imagining someone had broken into his apartment and was cooking him dinner.

Hoping it was Heero.

Really wishing he had thought to stash a weapon in the hall closet instead of under his bed, Duo softly closed the door to his apartment and toed off his shoes.

It felt a little silly, but feeling silly was, in Duo's opinion, probably about a thousand times better than feeling dead.

Silently, he made his way down the hall and to the kitchen.

It was empty.

But, when he opened the oven, he saw that there was indeed something inside - it looked like a chicken - roasting away.

Cautiously, and even more confused, Duo started to search the rest of his apartment.

Nothing looked out of place - hell - not even his unwashed mug in the kitchen sink from last night had been touched.

It looked like someone had broken in, popped a chicken in the oven, and taken off.

Duo's search led him to the bedroom, and finally, to something out of place.

The bathroom door was closed and, when Duo pressed his ear to it, he could hear the shower running.

Since he was already so close to the bed, Duo went ahead and grabbed his gun, holding it down low, against his side, and then eased open the bathroom door.

He was assaulted with a wave of steam, and he squinted, trying to see through the misty air.

Someone had to have been using the shower for a fucking long time for the room to be like this, and Duo couldn't help but be impressed by his hot water heater. He had never tested it quite this much.

The bathroom was small, with no tub and instead there was a glass walled shower.

A shower that was definitely occupied.

Duo could make out the golden glow of skin behind the fogged glass and, now that he listened for it, he could hear _humming_.

It was an old L2 shanty, a relic from the days when L2 had been penal colonies. A hopeless song about lost love. Duo had grown up singing that song, hell, he'd sung or at least hummed it even _now_ when he was in the middle of mindless tasks - or when there were Alliance assholes nearby to annoy.

He had sung it often enough, during the war, when he had been working on his suit, or his homework when he had been undercover at one Terran boarding school after another.

Duo set the gun down on the top of the toilet tank, feeling some of the tension ease from his body and a fraction of the pressure lessen in his skull.

"So there's a chicken in the oven, what are you boiling in here?"

The humming stopped and, a moment later, the glass door of the shower opened and a dark head popped out.

He always managed to look sexy as hell, even with his hair plastered to his head, even wrapped in bandages or dressed in a tank and shorts and ridiculous boots.

Duo was a little jealous of that, of Heero's ability to so effortlessly look so good.

But he also liked the view. A lot.

Heero arched an eyebrow at him, his dark blue eyes taking in Duo slowly.

"Rough day at work/" he surmised.

Duo shrugged one shoulder.

The truth was - the _awful_ truth - today hadn't really been worse than any other day this week.

"Just doing my part to keep humanity safe," he muttered.

Heero held his gaze for a long, piercing moment, and then stepped out of the shower.

God, he was beautiful.

Duo stared at him in open admiration. Heero was lean, his broad shoulders and defined muscles so appealing Duo actually found himself licking his lips and rubbing his fingers together, wishing he could just reach out and touch him.

Heero crossed the small room and stopped directly in front of Duo, close enough that water from his hair dropped onto Duo's nose.

"Join me?" Heero asked, reaching out and tugging Duo's tie completely out of the loose knot.

Duo hesitated.

On one hand, he saw Heero so rarely that _any_ time spent with him meant the world.

On the other hand, he was exhausted and angry and his head was still killing him and he just… he could feel that itch, that dark urge to pick a fight, and he really, really didn't want to. Not right now. Not feeling like this.

Heero kept his hands on Duo's tie, not quite pulling him closer but not letting him go either. Just holding him there, keeping him steady.

"Was it worth it, Ro?" Duo had to ask, the question a raw, painful whisper. "Was it… are things really better?"

Heero's face and his dark gaze were inscrutable. Duo could have asked him what the square root of seven-hundred and fourteen was or what his favorite color was and Heero would probably have the same expression on his face.

"I'm not sure exchanging one life for another is…" Heero trailed off and drew in a deep breath. "I wish I could say yes, Duo. But we aren't fifteen anymore and humanity…"

"Is fucking nuts," Duo muttered.

Heero's lips twitched upwards and he inclined his head in agreement.

They stood there, silent, gazes locked.

"What do you know about the external compensation unit that Wamak makes?"

The question seemed to be a complete non-sequitur, and Duo scowled.

"Like the ones on the Gundams?"

Heero nodded.

"I mean… I know how to install one. How to repair it? Why? Do you… have a Gundam stashed somewhere that needs a replacement?" Duo asked the question carefully. You just never knew, with Heero.

Heero, however, snorted.

"No. I don't. But Wamak still makes them - the compensation units."

"What the hell for? There aren't any more mobile suits that need them."

Heero started to unbutton Duo's shirt, and Duo didn't bother to stop him. Shower or not, he wanted out of the damn uniform.

"They're using them out in the Belt, for zero G farming."

"The asteroid Belt?" Duo frowned. The mining outposts there were… they made the colony Duo had grown up on seem like a beacon of technology and wealth. A lot of displaced refugees from both the Earth and the colonies had ended up out there, working in terrifying conditions, living in structures that could be perforated at any moment by space debris. It wasn't a life Duo would have wished on his worst enemy.

"Yeah." Heero smoothed the shirt off of Duo's shoulders and Duo let it fall to the floor. Heero started on Duo's belt and Duo, despite his earlier reservations, could feel his pulse quicken at Heero's touch, at the proximity of his hands to Duo's cock.

"They used to rely on shipments from L3 and those…"

Ever since the collapse of the Barton Foundation, the L3 colonial sector had been a mess.

"They're able to feed themselves. No more sub-rationing either."

"So, what's your point?"

Heero knelt down in front of Duo, tugging his trousers down and looking up at Duo at the same time, maintaining eye contact.

"My point is that Wamak isn't making mobile suit parts anymore."

"You just _said_ -"

"They're making aero-agriculture units that save lives."

Heero smoothed his hands up Duo's thighs, creeping over the thin fabric of his briefs, and curled his fingers under the waistband.

"So… so you think things are better? You think humanity is -"

"Humanity is nuts. You said it yourself. But I don't think we made things worse. Do you?"

Duo sighed. It was a fair question. A difficult one.

"No," he had to admit. Things were _different_. The power vacuum in L3 meant that there were dozens of skirmishes and conflicts out there every month, but L1, L2 and L4 were better, regulated and safe. And L5 was slowly, so very slowly, rebuilding. The Martian colony seemed to be doing well - or Zechs and Noin were a lot better at lying than Duo had ever given them credit for. Things were _different_ , but they weren't worse.

"We can't save them, Duo."

Heero was still kneeling on the floor, still rubbing his fingers against Duo's flesh. He looked like a supplicant, but Duo was pretty sure _he_ was the one begging Heero for something here.

"Then what -"

"They have to save themselves. All we can do is keep the way clear for them."

That… made a certain amount of sense. And while it wasn't the comfort Duo really wanted - wasn't Heero saying that of course things were better, of course it had been worth it. This was real, Heero's words meant so much more than empty platitudes. They were sturdy, and Duo could hold onto them.

"I don't know how much longer the hot water will last," he said.

Heero smirked and tugged Duo's briefs down.

"I haven't had a hot shower in ten weeks," he said, turning his head and pressing a kiss to the inside of Duo's right knee. "I got a little carried away."

Duo snorted a laugh, but then he shivered when Heero opened his mouth and ran his teeth and tongue over the same spot.

"Ro."

"Mm?" Heero continued to trail his mouth upwards, over Duo's thigh, his cheek pressing against Duo's hardening cock.

"Shower or bed?" Duo didn't mind standing here and letting Heero do whatever he wanted, but leaving the water running with _no one_ in the shower was making him anxious.

"Shower first," Heero rose to his feet, letting his mouth graze Duo's cock, naval, and collarbone as he stood before he caught Duo's lips against his own.

Heero kissed like he fought - methodical, searching for a weakness and then ruthlessly exploiting it. Duo never really felt like it was a battle, never felt like Heero's goal was to _win_. But it had always seemed, at least to him, that Heero worked hard to figure out what Duo wanted, what he needed, and then he delivered. He wasn't fighting _against_ Duo, wasn't trying to control their kisses or anything else - he was just trying to make it good.

And fuck, it was good.

Duo opened his mouth to Heero, drinking him in, his whole body feeling more alive, feeling _more_. Heero's lips were smooth, from the heat and the water, and his tongue teased Duo's own lips, caressing against them before meeting Duo's tongue.

Duo finally let himself touch Heero, reaching out and holding onto his shoulders, in equal parts relieved and aroused by Heero's strength and confidence.

Heero walked them backwards, and Duo had to pause, had to awkwardly hop part of the way as he stepped out of the rest of his clothes and then pulled off his socks, but when he joined Heero in the shower he sighed.

The water was miraculously still hot, and the press of Heero's hard, slick body against Duo's own did wonders for chasing away the rest of his headache and, if not erasing, at least keeping his darker thoughts at bay.

Heero ran a wet hand over Duo's jaw, thumb rubbing over Duo's lips before trailing down to his chest.

"Missed you," Duo said. He swallowed against the instant regret he felt. He always did this, always said stupid shit, always said too much.

They were alike in a lot of ways, and even in the ways they were different, Duo and Heero were the same.

As much as Duo had needed to settle after the war, had needed to find a _home_ and a purpose, had needed to live in this run down part of Brussels in an apartment complex where sixty languages were spoken and neighbors helped each other out and no one trusted the government - as much as Duo had needed all of that, Heero had needed the opposite. He'd needed to travel, to drift from one place to the next, _free_ , for once in his life, to live without purpose.

Duo imagined this was just as difficult for Heero as it was for him. Duo just barely managed to not ask Heero to stay, every time he packed his bags and left, and Heero, for his part, didn't ask Duo to come with him.

They had tried it, a few months after the war, when Hilde had closed the salvage yard and gone to college. Duo and Heero had scraped together the money to buy a cargo hauler and had jumped from colony to colony. It had, in a lot of ways, been bliss. But as much as Duo loved space, as much as he would always look up and think about kids crowded around a dumpster fire toasting marshmallows or two old, kindly saints trying to find God in a world that had long forgotten him, Duo needed a place, needed to be moored somewhere. And a cargo hauler just wasn't home. Not anymore.

Especially not after the riots, not after the near genocide on L3 that had led to Une more or less conscripting Duo into service and even Heero, who had taken his post-war vow seriously, had agreed to give her six months with the Preventers before taking off again.

And he had - Heero had spent six months in the thick of it, dismantling militant organizations and saving refugees and then he had left, had asked Duo to come with him and when Duo hadn't been able to, hadn't been able to walk away from the devastation on L3 or the _need_ to be useful, Heero had left without him.

They had gone a year without seeing each other, without even messaging, and it might have been longer if Duo hadn't been tasked with checking out rumors of a gun smuggling ring out in L5 and run into Heero at a dive bar.

Since then, they had fallen into a pattern - Heero showed up, unannounced, in Duo's apartment a few times a year, staying for a night or, a few times, a week. And then he was gone again.

Duo knew they both wanted more, a _different_ kind of more, but this… this in between, well. It wasn't enough, but it was so damn much all the same.

"You knew I'd be back," Heero responded before pressing another kiss to Duo's lips.

"Yeah, you always come back," Duo agreed, though he was pretty sure, one day, Heero wouldn't.

Heero knew it too - or at least suspected how Duo felt, what his fears were.

He kissed Duo again, as passionate and perfect as always, but there was something else to it, to the press of his lips and the feel of his hands buried in Duo's hair. It was gentle, it was… hell, it was almost reverent.

Duo wasn't sure what to do with that, wasn't sure how to feel, so he shifted his hands down, from Heero's shoulders down to his sculpted ass and he squeezed.

Sex. The distraction that always worked. That let Duo put aside feelings and fears and just exist.

Heero responded, following Duo's lead and letting him side-step the intimacy Heero had offered for the other, easier kind. He shifted his hips forward, slip cock half-hard and brushing against Duo's.

Duo reached down, between their bodies, and wrapped his hand around Heero's cock, the familiar shaft filling his hand and growing in his grasp as he stroked over the flesh.

Heero's breath caught and Duo had to smirk. It felt good, to hear Heero's arousal, to feel his need as he clutched Duo's shoulders, fingers digging in.

Heero, so steady, so rock solid that all of humanity could be held up by his broad shoulders needed _Duo_ , needed to cling to him to stay upright.

"You're so beautiful," Duo told him, and Heero's glazed eyes met his. "I love watching you fall apart."

Heero drew in a shaky breath, eyes still locked with Duo's.

"Want me to suck you off?" Duo leaned close, whispering the words into Heero's ear before biting down on his sensitive ear lobe.

Heero moaned.

"Yes," Heero used his hands on Duo's shoulders to push him down and Duo had to chuckle.

He knelt down, looking up at Heero's golden body, at what was surely as close to perfection as God had ever intended.

"Please," Heero was breathless in his demand, his voice barely carrying over the sound of the water shrouding them.

Duo obliged him, because while he enjoyed teasing Heero, he really wasn't sure how much longer the hot water was going to last and he did _not_ want to get caught in the shower when the water turned cold.

He ran his tongue over the broad head of Heero's cock, laving at the weeping tip before circling around and running his tongue down the length of the shaft.

Duo pulled back and stroked Heero's cock again, once, twice, three times before Heero was thrusting into his hand, his lips open and his eyes begging.

Duo leaned forward and wrapped his lips around the hard flesh, slowly taking Heero deep into his mouth, the girth of Heero's cock forcing his mouth open wide.

Heero's hands were still on his shoulders, still desperate for purchase, and Duo could feel his pleasure, could feel it when he found a particularly sensitive spot, could feel it when he sucked just right.

Duo kept his own hands on Heero's ass, kneading the firm globes of it and gently urging Heero's hips forward, encouraging him to thrust into Duo's mouth.

But Heero held himself steady, let Duo's lips fuck him while he trembled, and it wasn't until he was close, until Duo could feel Heero's thighs flex and until Heero's grip on him was almost painful, that Heero moved.

A deep thrust, taking Duo off-guard, and then another, his pace erratic and frantic, and now Duo's grip on his ass was to steady him, to keep Heero from slipping.

And then Heero groaned, low and guttural and so visceral _Duo_ almost got off just from hearing it. Heero's whole body seemed to shake as he came, bitter cum filling Duo's mouth and throat as Heero thrust forward again and again, each movement progressively more shallow, until Heero was still.

Duo looked up as he slowly eased off of Heero's cock.

The other man's eyes were closed, his mouth open and his face slack.

"So beautiful," Duo had to say again.

Heero opened his eyes, a lazy smile spreading across his lips, sated and confident and a little mischievous.

Duo loved that smile, saw it in his dreams sometimes, certainly fantasized about it often enough to have it memorized.

Heero tugged on his shoulders, and Duo stood up again.

"Thank you," Heero said as he kissed him again. And there it was, that feel, that reverence that just made everything feel jumbled and sharp and Duo had to fight his urge to push Heero away just as hard as he had to fight his urge to pull him closer.

And, abruptly, the water turned cold. There hadn't even been a gradual shift - it simply went from near boiling to glacial in the span of a heartbeat.

Duo and Heero scrambled to get out of the shower, tripping over Duo's clothes and sliding a few steps before they caught each other.

Heero was smirking, but Duo was feeling too much to find the mirth in their situation.

"Duo."

As always, Heero knew. Duo couldn't decide if Heero just knew him that well, or if Duo was just that bad at covering his emotions.

"I, uh… what's with the chicken in the oven?" Duo scrambled for something to say, something that wasn't all of the things he _couldn't_ say.

Heero frowned slightly.

"Dinner."

"Yeah, I mean, I figured the goal was probably to eat it but… why are you cooking dinner?"

Heero arched an eyebrow at him.

"It's Valentine's Day."

"Uh… oh. I guess it is."

Duo shoved his drenched bangs away from his face and reached for the towel hanging beside the shower. He passed it over to Heero before turning to the small linen cupboard in one corner of the room and getting another towel out for himself.

Valentine's Day.

Duo forgot it, every damn year.

Well, maybe he didn't forget it so much as actively tried his best to not think about it, at all.

And yet, Heero…

"I'm always with you, for Valentine's Day."

Heero sounded, for once, a little unsure of himself.

Duo squeezed his eyes shut, hating that he had done that, that his own bullshit was getting to Heero now.

Because, yeah, Heero _was_ always there on Valentine's Day, going all the way back to that first one, when Duo had learned about the Terran custom at the swank boarding school five miles from a military intel installation that he and Heero were scoping out.

And Duo had been an idiot, had been fifteen and sure of only two things- his soon and inevitable death, and his utter and embarrassingly unstoppable devotion to Heero. He had made a fool of himself, had gotten a box of chocolates and some stupid card covered in hearts and left them on Heero's bed and he'd been so eager, so anxious, that he had forgotten to sign his fucking name and Heero had assumed that someone had broken into their room and spent _hours_ tearing through the campus security network trying to figure out who it was before Duo had finally decided to just confess, to weather Heero's ire and total non-reciprocation. Heero had just stared at him, for a solid minute, and Duo had silently sent up a prayer to Sister Helen and Father Maxwell, prepared to meet his maker at last, and then Heero had kissed him.

Heero was always there, on Valentine's Day, always armed with flowers or trinkets from his adventures or, once he learned that Duo hated chocolate but had had a powerful weakness for fresh fruit, arrangements of the stuff.

He was always there, but Duo knew how this played out, knew that one day he _wouldn't_ be there and he knew it was best to manage his expectations, best to just… not count on it, not to want it.

"You've never cooked dinner before," Duo had to point out. "For Valentine's Day."

Heero shrugged one shoulder and wrapped the towel around his waist. His hair was a mess, sticking up everywhere, and Duo resisted the urge to try to set it to rights.

"I wanted to try something new."

"Yeah?" Duo ruthlessly squashed his hopes, too late, though, for that one word to not sound like a plea.

"This summer I'm starting classes at the university."

"The university?" Duo echoed dumbly.

Heero nodded, one corner of his mouth tilting upwards.

"I'm told that's where the classes will be."

"But -" Duo's mind was an actual blank. He had no idea what to say.

"Know anyone looking for a roommate?"

"You're… you're staying?" Duo's voice sounded as unsteady as his heartbeat.

"If you want me to."

Duo choked on a laugh and reached for him.

"Are you fucking crazy? Of course I want you to stay!"

Heero smirked and wrapped his arms around Duo, brushing their noses together before kissing him again.

"I missed you too, Duo. I always do. I don't want to, not anymore."

-o-

Okay so the end did get a BIT(read: a lot) fluffy but… well, threw in some decent angst too.


End file.
